my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
