After last night, I could never be a politician.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
