I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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