Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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