I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
