the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
