well I can't set my house on fire every night
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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