you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
