just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
