Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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