Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
