it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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