I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
