I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize