Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
