oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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