We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
