Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
