I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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