Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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