he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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