Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
