God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize