well I can't set my house on fire every night
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
