I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
