my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize