two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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