sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
