All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
