You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize