1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
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