i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
