I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
