At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
