I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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