I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
