first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
