u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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