You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You were trust falling into bushes
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
