She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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