erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
