After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
