Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
