Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize