I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
