My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
