I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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