I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
