wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
