I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
