I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize