My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
