OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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