Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
