Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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