I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
