i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize