One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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