she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I still have a little drunk in my system
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
