I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
