i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
