It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
