i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
