So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Randomize
