Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
