someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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