uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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