Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
