we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize